tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post294784416360933800..comments2024-03-28T19:59:20.737+02:00Comments on ixhanti lam: Love, marriage and suburban blissutterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08867361588236686988noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post-29562612215700519642012-07-12T10:41:24.225+02:002012-07-12T10:41:24.225+02:00We've become too descriptive about something w...We've become too descriptive about something we cannot explain, we all in the same boat. The superficial and carefree guy is out there and living his life. Intellectuals are busy analyzing what other people are or should be doing, all cause of fear and the idea of the perfect (constructable) being or world. Too much rom-coms of which I'm guilty of, exacerbate this analytic syndrome as we live through the scenes predictable outcomes. As for the so called modern independent women, you scare us although you might console yourselves as some form of intimidation towards us. All I can say YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!Ngangolwandle ka Zamkhayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09600754491579996367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post-67315040906370695172011-06-25T08:18:53.880+02:002011-06-25T08:18:53.880+02:00This comment has been removed by the author.Arya Samaj Mandirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15502351694296848461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post-67221837157793908352010-10-07T11:30:21.659+02:002010-10-07T11:30:21.659+02:00Actually I take back that comment about there bein...Actually I take back that comment about there being no game in Gtown!<br />There is plenty of game in Gtown; but the smallness of the place breeds familiarity with people that kills attraction.<br /><br />And there's also game OUTSIDE of Rhodes. Also, something humanities students don't know...<br /><br />there are SO MANY PhD science nerds holed up in their labs kwaa kwaa kwaa....<br /><br />When I discovered a Nigerian brother doing his Phd IN Chemistry - I was like 'Damn, where have I been.'<br /><br />Make friends with the science postgrads. A whole whole world of new friends opens up...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post-50825990625091894992010-10-07T10:20:11.997+02:002010-10-07T10:20:11.997+02:00POSTSCRIPT - With all this, I don't mean to th...POSTSCRIPT - With all this, I don't mean to that we shouldn't be romantic idealists look for love and wanting to be swept off our feet. I am not saying that at all; just commenting on what complex things happen around us as we're busy trying to get swept off our feet. There's other things I could say here - about the annoying internal contradictions about being both insecure and confident at the same time as an educated, but not-so-risque heterosexual black woman; how that affects your view of what you think you are entitled to go for, and what you think you should get out of men, and how you should do it. <br />Half the reason we 'don't find love' is because of the imaginary 'cloud of witnesses' in our heads telling us 'close your legs, sit up straight, be a good girl otherwise something bad will happen to you; you'll wind up with the wrong guy, get AIDS, a baby and you will be a failure.' Worse ke if you are the high achieving type. <br /><br />So I am not saying we're always strong and don't need love or want marriage - coz I know some conservative people could misconstrue what I wrote above. Especially proponents of that Steve Harvey paradigm 'Act like a lady, think like a man' - That is the most anti-black woman book in the whole world. As if black women run around trying to look down on men or trying to be difficult. When usually we're trying to act equal, and trying to find someone who can bring enough to the table so we can enjoy some damn romance and be vulnerable for just two seconds. Steve Harvey should have written a book for men called 'Think like her equal, treat her like she has a heart AND a brain'<br /><br />But of course, patriarch's like Harvey reverse the accusations to blame women, in the same way racists reverse the tables to blame black people, or straights blame gays for moral decay when its the heterosexual institution of marriage that has broken women and children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2262055667994370618.post-59203512922646267272010-10-07T09:50:44.894+02:002010-10-07T09:50:44.894+02:00Langa here -
a friend of mine once said, "so...Langa here - <br />a friend of mine once said, "society isn't bringing up the calibre of man that free women have rightly come to expect."<br /><br />I think as modern black women, we're still living through some social and generational upheaval. <br /><br />My view is, why hold up marriage as an ideal. You're unlikely to find a perfect situation. We're the statistic of urbanisation someone will study one day. <br /><br />I remember I used to attend a very horrible white church once. But I observed that even the most seemingly politically passive, fundamentalist Black women there were still vocal that being strong educated Black Christian women made them unappealing to men. One black guy came out with it and said - "Black women are admin."<br /><br />what are the sisters to do - They have no choice but to be strong, make their own way in life, resist the condescension that Black women are heaped with by the world around them; deal with people surprised that you are articulate and will speak FIRST. <br /><br />You're too much to handle; you're too groundbreaking for history; too hard to pin down for society's needs.<br /><br />Your grandmother and mothers; they were going through so much difficulty under a system of extreme brutal white fascism where they were lowest of the entire class and race caste. It may have been perfectly better that they didn't end up with those men because that would have been WORSE!<br /><br />Life doesn't give us any easy options; especially if you intend to have control over your brain and body AGAINST the grain of what people want you to do. <br /><br />I've come to the conclusion - to be a free woman, you are almost bound to get hurt because you have to fight.<br /><br />So I think hmm... I don't hold up my being married as being a step up or down; it was just a step on with my life that I took with my partner.<br /><br />Other people will take other steps on; in different directions. It's never easy coz I didn't have to get married; but we just wanted to be. And that decision had its own social consequences. <br /><br />It depends who you marry, and what your social context is.<br /><br />Also I learnt something else, or maybe I am still learning - no committed relationship is ever perfect.<br /><br />If there is equality, respect, reciprocity and a deep sexual connection... that's cool... but damn, the fighting over the dishes and the socks and the laundry and the cooking... you deal with it one at a time.<br /><br />But what I certainly cannot encourage women to accept is a system that sees them as juniors or as 'helpers' or 'backbone'. <br />And it shocks me how many bujwa black men want someone to be that for them! Educated brothers who still believe they are the head of the family as though women are dimwits. <br /><br />Of course most women are brought up love being domestic and bake scones and queens cakes, so was I; but damn, the sense of entitlement with our 21st century brothers is absurd. <br /><br />Maybe there's no need to worry about having a game plan (there's not much game in Gtown anyway!). But just be open to what comes; and be open to letting it go.<br /><br />Oh - lastly - nothing like a group of strong women around you to help be your compass... <br /><br />Why do you have a fear of heartbreak; it means you want one person to affirm you... to endorse you... Painful ya... but eish... besides... look how broken hearts spawn creativity! The whole music industry is built on nursing broken hearts!<br /><br />Oh by the way - there's a reason why people in suburbia have kids who cut themselves and are on anti-depressants - because that whole life is a sham... especially in this country where people pretend they are pious, and hardworking, meanwhile they are steeped in crazy exploitative privilege and boring marriages.<br /><br />Maybe one day when I see you, I'll tell you what I really think marriage is, now that I am married; but don't buy into the myth just because our religious beliefs and upbringing made us think it's the best thing. <br />But a good marriage is a very beneficial thing, let me not knock the whole institution.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com