On Spirituality

A while ago I thought I was doing a thread on Twitter. Turns out I did it all wrong so I've decided to rework the tweets into a blog post of sorts.

I was musing about spirituality; African spirituality to be specific. I've been to a few occasions and her people reference "African theology" which is unusual in the Methodist church. But I recognised it as a response to the moment where people ware talking about spirituality beyond the Christian discourse. Obviously this has been happening for years but within the context of the consequences of Christianity and even Atheism in relation to young people who find themselves estranged from their family's traditions while living in complexes and estates. 

So here are my musings:

• MaAfrika,can we talk about ukuphahla?Ingxaki is this,our bodies and spirits want to do something some of our parents refused to teach us in the name of impucuko. Now our spirits remember something we lost #thread
• I started having this conversation a while ago and I was stumped by where to begin. I began to remember my mom enebhekile she spoke over for a while and then she stopped. I don't really know who she was talking to. She tried to teach me some things but there are gaps
• Is ukuphahla the same as ukuthandaza? Language matters. You might be wondering, why am I bringing this to twitter? Because this is where conversation happens.I'm thinking a lot about spiritual practices our elders didn't teach us and now we need them more than ever
• What does an African spiritual practice look like outside the Christian narrative?Can we really integrate it into these capitalist lifestyles we live?Where do you find a place to be quiet between traffic jams and long commutes and living in complexes with no meaningful community?
• I know some people created ubuhlanti when they moved to the suburbs and told izinyanya zabo where they are; but many didn't. So what happened? Do we know how to find them if we haven't invited them into our homes? But of course they are spirits, they are always with us
• I'm just thinking out aloud. I'm not suggesting ubomi in the suburbs is mutually exclusive with African spirituality. Or is it🤔And we're outchea pretending like our lives are normal kanti our internal lives are in turmoil?
• I've been watching people document African spirituality: sharing videos and pictures. And it looks a particular way. I'm yearning for someone to say "my journey looks different and that's okay". I lie; I've had one person tell me that. Maybe there are more.
• Last year a friend gave me three silver candle holders and small candles; I've been burning candles since then. At Christmas a friend gave me imphepho. That sits next to my candles and I burn it regularly. My sister came to visit and she asked me why I have candles and mphepho😳
• I probably mumbled something about missing home and imphepho reminded me of home. I'd sent her a long voice note about how we can remember our grandmothers (especially) within the lives we had. Her response was biblical scripture so I dropped the conversation 🤷🏽‍♀️
• About the candles&mphepho; I started reciting iziduko after lighting the candles but it felt weird so I've stopped until I figure that out. So now I say a short prayer "mabudede ubumnyama kuvele ukukhanya" which I used to hear as a kid when my mom was becoming igqirha.
• Oh yes, there's that too: mama started becoming igqirha/healer and stopped. Story for another day. So now I have a little table with candles,impepho and incense (because I like it mostly). But it feels out of sync with the rest of my life. Cognitive dissonance of sorts.
• And then I had to think about the land. That the cognitive dissonance I feel is because I'm dislocated. Unlike some friends who can go emakhaya and there's a place where this all makes sense; I don't have a home to go to (story for another day) other than this apartment I live in
• I'm sharing all this because I'm hoping someone will say "even me, I'm going through the same thing". I have a hunch I'm not alone. I have friends who've figured this out because their elders didn't let them down. They straddle African spirituality and Christianity with ease.
• I also have friends who don't find the need to straddle and find all the answers in African spirituality (Christianity always has disclaimers). I envy these friends who have it figured out mostly because that's part of the inheritance they've received from their families.
• I'm having this experience as someone who is committed to a church community because that's the only thread that's remained in my life. The questions about Christianity ebb and flow and I'll live with that for the rest of my life. These questions about isintu are more pressing
• Mostly because I overthink everything and when I don't have questions I think I'm not living fully.